Ubuntu to you, my friend

I know you want to get rid of Microsoft products. Any sane person would. "But how can I?" I hear you say, "Windows is shitty, breaks down all the time and is infected with viruses and spyware. But it's all I KNOW!"
The expensive option is of course to buy a Mac, but it's not everyone's cup of tea. And some people think you're gay if you have a Mac, and that's not good in some communities (but great in others).
The cheap version is to install Linux. It's actually free. Gratis. Zero clams. Unfortunately you have to be a nerd/computer wiz to even get your damn Linux PC on the Internet. Or it used to be that way.
Ubuntu Linux brings an easy, working Linux installation to your computer. They will even send you a CD with it for free. Hell, they'll send you 10 so you have some to give to your friends. And there's is a working Linux installation on the CD you can boot from to have a look how it works. The thing runs on Intel-compatible PCs and on Apple's PowerPC (G4 and G5) and comes with around 1,000 pieces of software.
If you ARE gay, this guy will even install it for you and teach you how to use it.